It happened again, I blinked my eyes and a whole year went by! Son-of- gun, and I was actually paying attention this year and it still got by me. Let me tell you, as a person gets older you would expect things to slow down a little bit, so you can take time to smell the roses you've work so hard to grow, if you get my meaning? If you didn't already know this about getting older, let me enlighten you, it only gets faster and faster as you age.
I can remember when I was in grade school (1st or 2nd grade) trying to imagine what I would be like in the year 2010. As I was only 6 or 7 years old I thought, in 2010 I would be very very old (ancient) but it would matter much because we would have flying cars to get around in and robots to walk our dogs and cut our lawns and do our work and stuff like that, so, life would be all good. Well, turns out in 2010 I have a beat-up Ford F150 pick-up and I'm in nose deep with a mortgage and I don't have a robot. At 46 almost 47 I don't think of myself as very very old, as a matter of fact I don't even think of my self as old at all and then I realize I'm creeping up on a half a century. How did this happen? All of a sudden I'm watching the news every morning, I'm actually paying attention to the life insurance commercials. I'm thinking about my prostate and colonoscopys and I'm constantly regulating my diet (more fiber), really what the____is going on here. I still don't read the newspaper daily and I don't do crossword puzzles and I don't share my health issues with strangers yet, so I guess I'm not, you know, old, but I am feeling more aches and pains for no reason, go figure?
A little while ago I prayed a prayer to God. I asked that he would (bless me) by allowing me to see things clearer in my life, to truly be able to experience them not just go through the motions of just doing them. I asked if he would help me to take in more of my life as I lived it, you know, help me to really absorb the moment if you will. I asked if he would help me to learn to appreciate things, wether they be good or bad.
I realized that I was doing things in my life but I was not living them. Everyone is doing things, perusing things, reacting to things but very few people actual experience the moment of them. As I lay in my bed one night reflecting on what I felt was a pretty good day I realized something. I was think about how much fun everyone else had that day. I realized that I didn't really participate in anything or involve my self in their activities, I just sat on the side lines and let them live life.
One Saturday night after a full day (not particularly a spectacular day) I was tucking in my 6 year old daughter. I was tickling her and we were going over the days events and as I gave her a good night kiss I inadvertently asked her if she had a good day. She said, "It was the best day ever, dad". She says quiet often, that she has had the best day ever, no matter what kind of day it was. How? That's what I'm talking about, I want to have the best days ever too! I don't want to look back on my life one day and think, what happened, where did it go? I want to feel, well, at least that I lived it, I lived my life to the fullest. I know God wants us to live our lives to the fullest. Why is it so hard to get in the game sometimes?
As I sat in church one Sunday the pastor preached a sermon on the the be attitudes. One of them sudden got my full attention, it actually made me sit up in my seat, the meek shall inherit the earth. Now, I've read that many times and have heard more sermons on it than I can remember, but this time it was different. In retrospect must admit that I never really understood it, probably because I couldn't see how it applied to me. I mean being meek is not one of my personality traits by any means. The pastor explained it a little different than I've heard it in the past. He interpreted the word meek in that passage as humble. Well, instantly things clicked and I understood it, I mean I really understood it. A humble man would not be worried about worldly things and because of that his focus would shift to what is important in life, God and family! A prideful man, an egotistical man would never appreciate what he has, he is always coveting what others have. Humility has had a profound affect on my life.
God answered my prayer and my life has changed. 2009 was a wonderful year, challenging at times but non the less I'm actually living my life. I'm taking it all in, appreciating it and absorbing it as it happens. I'm still a work in progress and I have a long path in front of me but it is happening. Praise God in all that he does!
On the flip side though, sometimes I wish I never prayed that prayer. Now, don't get me wrong I know that this is a blessing and glory be to God for the gift of really live your life to it's fullest, but there is a down side to the gift. With the awareness of the moment your in also comes the complete awareness of how fleeting time (life) actually is. You can feel the minutes ticking away in you life. I can actually feel a moment going by as I'm participating in it. I have noticed all kinds of changes in my behavior do to this. It is get very hard at times to contain my emotions (I tear up at the drop of a hat). I hold on a little tighter and a little longer when I hug my kids, I catch my self staring at them watching every little thing they do. I think about my family all the time, the ones that live in other states as well as my family with me. I've also noticed saying good bye or good night has become heart wrenching, for it is another day in another year that is passing by. It is harder to sit by and watch others who are letting their lives just, well, just pass on by like they are watching a movie.
Alright, I think I've shared enough, besides I have a whole year to express myself. I hope everyone had a Christmas as wonderful as mine and I hope everyone can enter the New Year with a brand new out look on things. A quote by Dr. Joyce Meyers to carry you through the year, "It's not how you start the race that matters, it's how you finish it".
A little landscape sketch from when I was on Brother Bear.
This is what all my zippers on my pants feel like right now do to over indulging during the holiday season.
Baby animals, always a hit with the kids. It kinda feels like I'm cheating when I draw baby animals because you automatically win the little ones over.
This is a sketch of...uh... some girl from some culture. Sometimes I just draw stuff, no rhyme or reason behind it, it just is what it is.
This is a drawing I did when I first started on Lilo and Stitch before we had model sheets of the characters. For the longest time we operated with minimal information on the project do to the fear that someone would steal the idea and kick out some low quality film in front of us. Eventually the power that be relaxed a little and things got easier for us to do our jobs.
This is a drawing of my fourth child Eden, I call her Sparkly Girl because she is always so happy and when she smiles it's as though she is radiating beams of light. She is a great example of living life with gusto.